Well, this part of my site is to keep me accountable to myself…so you might want to ignore this part of my blog. For some reason, the idea of posting my daily progress of my goals makes me feel like I might be more likely to avoid making progress. I’m not sure if that makes sense, but sometimes I feel like I am fighting myself.
Anyway, today so far I feel like a failure and yet I’ve done some things I will look back and feel thankful for. First, I stayed up too late watching “Parenthood” and creating reading lessons for Jesse on my iPad. For what purpose? To keep my mind distracted from myself. I realized that something about watching a family drama was soothing…I knew things would all work out in the end. I awaited the catharsis of happy endings. A plot where despite the family drama that is not my own, everything felt familiar with a kind of orderly chaos. Somehow I’m missing something from my daily life that makes me year for that. Constructing reading lessons was something to keep my mind busy. Mindless work feels so good. I wondered if it would be just as soothing to play with something in my hands like making the plastic keychains when I was in middle school. Maybe that was the same reason grandma knitted all the time. Maybe I could start that again. It would make me feel close the my grandma and it would give me a sense of purpose like I was making something. Then again, what would I do with all the blankets I would create. I really don’t feel like having a million “crazy Leti” blankets…Maybe when I am old and have grandkids I can make my own, but for now, I should be using mindlessness for a purpose that fits my needs–like cleaning and creating clutter-free environment for my family. Like incessant vacuuming…
It was nice to have Jesse restart his reading lessons. It was just going to fast for him again, and he wasn’t feeling confident in himself anymore. I like seeing how much he as improved considering its taken forever for him to recognize his letters. I’m not even sure he knows them all yet. His mind is very different than anyone I’ve ever met. Both my children have unique minds.
Tomorrow, I expect wake up @ 5:00 AM even if I have to work out and then go right back to bed.
So my plan is to wake up at 5:00 AM using my sleep app again. Then I am going to drink my water and take my medicine. I will then put on my workout clothes, make coffee, and do my exercise. Next, I will eat a healthy breakfast….BUT FIRST I HAVE TO DO THE DISHES TONIGHT!!!
Yes, that plan will never work if I dread any part of it. I must do the dishes as part of mindless work today.
Back to the plan, after I eat breakfast, I will shower and get ready for the doctors. Pick up my medicine afterward and head home to take the kids to the dentist. BUT FIRST I MUST MAKE SURE I GIVE JESSE’S TEETH A THOROUGH CLEANING TODAY. I will start by doing dishes in small chunks. I also want to make chicken. I should do that next and clean while I wait for it to cook.
I have a vision of myself about to put my hands in with myself and yell go team! Break!